


Maternal Instincts

by TintinnabulousRunes



Series: Panem Forever [3]
Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Gen, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Abortion, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, POV First Person, The Rebellion Failed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-24 12:53:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16175465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TintinnabulousRunes/pseuds/TintinnabulousRunes
Summary: The 69th Hunger Games have begun but Korina Argos has more important things to worry about. She will be starting her new job as a deckhand and plans on finally breaking up with her on-again-off-again boyfriend Cress Rayna. There is also the concern over why she has been gaining weight and what to do about that reason.





	Maternal Instincts

**Korina Argos**  
**District 4**  
**Student**

**Summer 69**  
**July 7th**  
**Reaping Day**

Standing in the pen with the other eighteen year old girls, I try to slouch to cover up my stomach. If anyone asks, maybe I can just say I'm fat, not... Ugh, I don't even want to think it. The pee stick test was cheap. Maybe it was just wrong.

Glinda Florentius draws a name out of the girl's Reaping Ball. There will be a volunteer but I still don't want to be Reaped. Because that means walking up to the stage and everyone seeing I've gotten fat.

Laila Sandbar is the one Reaped. She walks up to the stage and I relax. Glinda asks for any volunteers. A girl behind me shouts, "I volunteer as tribute!"

Glinda calls the girl to the stage. Georgie comes from the seventeen year old section and practically floats up to the stage, every inch a career bitch in her brand new, sky blue silk dress that already begins establishing how she will be styled for the interview. 

They think they are so much better than everyone else because they stay in the Polis Program until they are seventeen or eighteen, then they volunteer, and they die. So glorious. And if you have the nerve to point out how it is all a load of bullshit, and the only reason to join the Polis Program is for the stipend, you are asked to leave. Emily was always a fucking bitch anyways. I never wanted to listen to her.

Glinda asks Georgie for her name.

"Georgina Aquarius."

I tune out the rest of the proceedings. I have more important things to worry about, like starting work. And the fact I've gotten fat. And haven't told Cress yet.

Maybe I can just not tell him.

If no one knows I'm... fat, there are ways I can deal with it. They are all illegal, but so are training tributes and black markets and those are around anyways. Once anyone finds out, those options are all gone.

Those options are expensive. Once I get my first paycheck, then I can go. I don't think it has even been a full two months yet. I have time. For now, it is still just a bit of extra weight. It's just some bloating. I'll be fine.

* * *

**Summer 69**  
**July 15th**  
**Day 1**

The Hunger Games are playing on the television in the doctor's office. The arena is an expanse of snow and ice, broken up by the occasional tuft of grass or rocky outcropping. The kind of weird thing is that there are no trees or other sources of wood to burn anywhere. The bloodbath was quick and now the pack huddles together in the Cornucopia for warmth.

I have no idea why I'm in the doctor's office. Captain Silver told me I had an appointment and ordered me to go, so here I am.

The receptionist calls my name. I go up to the desk and follow his directions to get to the examination room. The doctor, Dr. Agar, has me sit down. He gives me a serious look. "Do you know why you're here, Miss Argos?"

"Nope."

The serious look gets more serious, Dr. Agar's brows furrowing deeper. "It is about your bloodwork, from the sample taken at the Reaping."

They test that sample? I thought it was just for record keeping. DNA samples or whatever.

Dr. Agar maintains the serious look. "The bloodwork shows you are pregnant. You are supposed to report to the clinic if you suspect you are pregnant."

Fuck. No, no, no. Shit! Fuck! No!

"I thought I was just getting fat." I blurt, instead of swearing out loud. "I've been eating more sweets since I was nervous about things. With my last Reaping and then starting work. I didn't think I was... pregnant."

I hate saying the word. It makes it real.

I can't be pregnant. I was just fat. I was going to the market tomorrow, since I scraped together all of my saving and it was enough. I was going to get some of that tea that's supposed to help you lose weight really quickly, drink it, and I would be fine. Now, I can't do that. They would know that's what I did, if I suddenly wound up not pregnant.

It's treason, doing that. They would turn me into an Avox.

"Do you know who the father is?" Dr. Agar asks me.

Unfortunately I know who the father is. I answer, "Yes. My... boyfriend, Cress."

Dr. Agar nods, seeming satisfied. "Alright. You should go tell him. I want you back here next week. After some more bloodwork, I'll give you any pre-natal vitamins and supplements you need."

With that, I leave Low Ward's clinic. Finding a quiet, out of the way spot, I check that no one else is around. Once I know I'm alone, I scream. I keep screaming until my throat is raw.

This can't be happening to me.

I collect myself and go out in search of Cress _fucking_ Rayna. Since I have to deal with this, I'm dragging him down with me.

* * *

**Korina Rayna**  
**District 4**  
**Fisherman**

**Winter 70**  
**February 23rd**

The midwife places the crying infant in my arms. Most of the goo has been wiped off of it at least. The delirium of pain makes me bold and I try to hand the infant back. I don't want it.

The midwife tuts, gently pressing on my arms until they're folded back against my chest. "She's yours. This is your baby girl. She has all her fingers and all her toes. Her lungs are clear and her heartbeat is strong. Be proud of her."

The infant squirms and roots around. It finds a nipple and starts trying to suckle. I should feel something. I guess I do, but it's just disgust. I don't want it.

The midwife seems satisfied. "I'll go get your husband."

Cress comes in. He perches on the edge of the bed. Hesitantly, he reaches out and strokes the infant's head. There is a look in his eyes. A softness he has never shown me. I cannot help the pang of jealousy in my heart because I know Cress will love this thing in my arms more than he will ever love me.

"She's beautiful," Cress says in a reverent whisper, then leans in closer to the infant, "Hello, little Lynn."

Lynn.

Our daughter.

I still don't want it.

* * *

**Spring 71**  
**March 24th**

There is something wrong with my runt of a daughter, other than just being a runt. She does not speak. She only babbles. Her cousin, Jason, is only three weeks older than her but he can say yes and no and mama and dada.

I did everything right. I took all of the pre-natal supplements. I had enough to eat. I did not drink or smoke. Even though I did not want her, and still do not want her, she is my flesh and blood and should be perfect.

I stare at her in the high chair. Her chubby little hands grab a few pieces of cereal I put on the tray. Her coordination is developing as expected. That is perfect about her, at least. But she cannot speak.

"Come on, you little shit. Say something already." I beseech her.

Lynn looks at me. I swear there a spark of comprehension in her grey-blue eyes.

"Sit!"

She spoke. She spoke!

"Sit. Sit. Sit." She repeats.

Wait. Babies have trouble making the sh sound. She's not saying sit...

Ah, fuck.

Well, at least she can talk.

New rule, no more swearing around the baby.

* * *

**Fall 74**  
**December 16th**  
**The 74th Victory Tour**

"Daddy, daddy! Pick me up! Pick me up! I wanna see!" Lynn says, jumping up and down and tugging on Cress' jacket sleeve.

I try to hush her, because the Peacekeepers have been antsy this Tour and I do not want her drawing too much attention to us. There has been talk, dangerous talk. Fools who think they can change the way things work. I plan on staying out of the cross-fire.

Cress indulges her. "Alright, but you need to be quiet and just watch, okay?"

Lynn nods vigorously, pantomiming locking her lips closed. Cress picks her up and sets her on his shoulders. It keeps her quiet.

The crowd stirs as Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark step onto the stage.

Lynn gasps in delight and whispers, "They're so pretty."

Maybe pretty like a lionfish, and just as toxic.

* * *

**Fall 75**  
**November 5th**

"Mommy, why is the sky blue?" Lynn demands, tugging on my sleeve.

I lose count of my stitches. Lynn tugs on my sleeve again. "Mommy, I asked you a question."

"Because it is."

I try to recount the stitches. I'm knitting a scarf for this child and she can't leave me alone when I'm doing it.

"I know it is blue. But why?" Another tug on my sleeve and I lose count again.

I take a breath, count back from ten, and order, "You're in time out. Go sit in the chair."

At least Lynn can do that correctly.

It takes a bit, but I figure out where I got interrupted and get back to knitting.

"Mommy, why is everyone sad?"

Hera grant me strength. The time out chair means no talking. Yet, Lynn is talking anyways. She can't do anything right.

At least she's sitting in it. Small victories. I have to think of the small victories.

"Because Mags and Finnick are dead." I tell her bluntly.

Though I don't understand their hang-ups. Mags was going to be dead within the year anyways and Finnick was an asshole.

I wait for the inevitable, because this child cannot accept anything at face value.

"Why?"

"They were killed in the Hunger Games."

"But they were grownups and Victors. Big kids are the ones in the Hunger Games."

Did her teachers not explain the Quarter Quell to her? I'll have to have a word with them about actually teaching this child things so I don't have to waste my time doing it for them.

"It was a Quarter Quell. That meant the rules were different. So they both volunteered and they both died."

"Oh."

After that, Lynn is mercifully quiet other than the occasional sniffle.

* * *

**Spring 76**  
**May 2nd**

Dear Korina,

Cress has been lying to the both of us. I do not know what he told you, but he told me the two of you were no longer together. I fell for it. I fell for him. I am sorry.

I'm pregnant and I've been to the clinic. I do not expect Cress to be in this child's life nor do I want him to be in it. But I thought you had a right to know what happened.

Calm seas to you,  
Belinda Conch

Cress has been fucking other women behind me back since we were dating, so that part comes as no surprise.

He comes back to the kitchen after putting Lynn to bed. I toss the letter at his head. "You got one of them pregnant, you fucking idiot."

Cress fumbles to catch the letter. He has the audacity to give me a confused look. His eyes flick over the text. His face goes pale. He opens his mouth to say something but I don't let him.

"Look, I don't care enough about you to care that you're cheating on me. You've always been shit at hiding it anyways." I tell him, being honest instead of coddling him like I normally do, "Though, actually this shouldn't surprise me anyways. We both know your pullout game is fucking weak."

Cress looks shamefaced for a moment, then admits, "I really did want to leave you."

That actually does surprise me. And it bothers me because Cress is supposed to be predictable. He lies and he cheats but he always comes back. He's mine.

"Then why didn't you?" I demand.

"Lynn," Cress shrugs, tossing the letter onto the table. "I can't abandon her. And I know, for all your talk about how much you hate having a child, you would never actually let me have her. I know you, Korina. You'd keep her to spite me."

I sneer at him. "Please, I'd be glad to be rid of her. I never wanted children!"

"Then why didn't you leave her at the Community Home? I know you were planning to last fall. Had everything packed and ready, waiting for me to leave on that crabbing boat. I was going to go get her, of course, when I reached port again. I was actually surprised to find you both here when I got back."

How did he know that?

He sneers at me this time. "Don't be so surprised, Kore. You're not half as clever as you think you are."

I cannot think of a proper retort, so I shout at him, "Go fuck yourself, Cress."

I go to the bedroom and slam the door behind me, locking it for good measure. Cress can sleep on the floor or with one of his whores for all I care. I'll be here, alone.

All alone...

* * *

**Summer 77**  
**August 1st**

Where did that damn child get off to? I told her to stay with me, so of course she didn't. It is parcel day and the market is more crowded than normal. It will take forever to find her like this.

One of these days, I'm really am going to drop Lynn off at the Community Home and leave. Maybe if I can get down to Gulf Port, no one would find me and try to get me to come back. I could start a new life. I could go by my maiden name again. Get a job on a shrimping boat. I've always been a good navigator, I'll be hired quickly enough.

It's not like Cress wouldn't be able to move on. He'd be able to move in with one of those bitches he's knocked up. Or maybe he'd find a new one to knock up and trap. Have a nice little family for himself.

Why haven't I done it yet? I really should.

Maybe because it will prove just how broken I am. I chose Hera as my patron hoping I'd be able to figure out how to be a good wife, a good mother. A good person. But there's something broken in me.

Even now, I'm looking for Lynn only because I am supposed to. I don't want her back. But the social shame of losing my own child outweighs my distaste for having her around.

I wonder if I could love a different child. Maybe it's just Lynn in particular. She's a constant reminder of my life being ruined. Maybe if I chose to have a child, knew it was coming, I could love it.

A part of me almost hopes that, if I agree to another child, Cress might love me. He loves children. He has five now. He dotes on them, though sometimes at a distance.

I find Lynn looking up at our newest Victor, Luke Seymour. I grab her by the arm, saying a quick apology for her bothering him, and drag her off.

Stupid thing.

* * *

**Summer 78**  
**June 5th**

A warmth that I did not think existed swells in my chest as I hold Kit and Dorian.

They are perfect. Each finger. Each toe. Their noses. Their ears. Their smiles. Everything.

I'm not broken. I can love a child. I can love children. It's just Lynn that I can't love.

But these two. My beautiful, perfect twins. I love them.

* * *

**Winter 80**  
**March 1st**

"Hey, mom," Lynn calls out, running into the kitchen, "I need you to sign a permission slip."

She has a pen at the ready, alongside the packet already opened to the line where I am to sign. Suspiciously courteous of her. I take a look at the heading on the page.

The Polis Program.

Of course, this is the first signup date she is eligible for, now that she's ten. It isn't like she'll make it far. The stipend from the program will help. It will let Lynn earn her keep.

Cress and I discussed the possibility after Lynn expressed her desire to volunteer after meeting Luke. Cress is opposed to the whole idea of the Polis Program. I told him to get fucked.

I sign the packet and hand it back to her.

"Just, don't tell your father until you're accepted, okay?"

Lynn gives me a suspicious look, then clutches the packet to her chest and nods. "Okay. Promise."

She runs off again.

* * *

**Summer 83**  
**August 3rd**

"As long as you live under my roof, you will follow my rules." I order Lynn.

I do not care if Kit tore her shirt, Lynn has no right to yell at either of my babies.

"Well maybe I should just go live at the dorms instead! At least the rules there make sense!" Lynn shouts.

"Maybe you should!" I shout back.

"Kore, you can't say that." Admonishes Cress.

Oh, because _I'm_ the one in the wrong here. I turn on him. "Don't you 'Kore' me. You stay out of this."

"It is my roof as well. You cannot just kick our daughter out of our house-"

Lynn cuts him off. "I'm going. You'll get a stipend increase if I'm full time. Be happy."

She storms out of the house and down the wharf. Good riddance, the ungrateful thing.

* * *

**Summer 87**  
**June 30th**

I am vaguely surprised to see Lynn home, washing and drying the dishes. She stays at the warehouse dorms most of the time, unless she's needed during peak times. It is for the best.

"What are you doing here?" I ask her, unable to think of a reason.

Lynn dries off a plate and picks up the next one. She shrugs her shoulders. "It's the Goodbye. Luke insisted."

The way she says "Goodbye" with a touch more emphasis than normal worries me. I come to a sick realization. The "Goodbye" is the Final Goodbye. It is a Polis Program tradition. The Final Goodbye to family, before a member...

"You're not..." I struggle to say.

Lynn looks over her shoulder at me. "I am."

"You can't..." I whisper, a strange terror gripping my heart. I repeat, more forcefully. "You can't. You can't volunteer."

Lynn arches a brow and snorts, turning back to the dishes. "It's already decided. It has been decided since I was seven. I'm volunteering."

"I don't want to lose you." I tell her. And it's true.

She is my firstborn. A runt. Flawed. But _mine_.

"I don't care." She tells me, her voice rock steady. And that's true, too.


End file.
